Aspergers, Girls and the Social World: A Brief Look

I have mentioned previously in my work about what I refer to as a “Social Spectrum”, meaning that all people have varying levels of preference or ability to socialize. In terms of Aspiens, I have found that, as a group, they also have a social range. I have met Aspiens who at one end, the quite shy, introverted Aspiens who at times can be mute in social situations and need much encouragement to participate socially, in classes or groups. At the other end of the social Spectrum, some Aspiengirls present as quite extraverted, often ‘too’ social, in that they overstepping others boundaries and socially innappropriate. (Just to clear up any confusion, AspienGIRL™, Planet Aspien™, Aspien, Aspienpowers are from my new book series. The word Aspien means a female with Asperger Syndrome. Book Series and website coming shortly.)

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Aspiengirls may have a preference to spend their time in solitude and/or with animals, their dolls, teddy bears or imaginary friends or imaginary animals. Their animals or toys may be their best friends.

Aspiengirls who want and have friendships, are more likely to interact intensely with one other girl or boy. Remember, one of Aspiengirls superpowers is her ability to work exceptionally well one-one-one or presenting to others or a group. Her friend often provides support, guidance and social information to her to help her navigate the unwritten social rules and the playground. Aspiengirls are most often very loyal friends. They find gossip, bitchiness and back-stabbing a complete mystery and are uninterested in these types of behaviors.

Aspiengirls are known to be naive, socially and emotionally immature (often years behind their peers) and particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of, especially if they are lonely and desperate for a friend. Aspiengirls are often more successful socially with boys, as they find boys, generally speaking, less complicated, their ‘play’ is fun, more functional and interesting. Aspiengirls find their female peers engagement in conversational and emotional play boring and confusing. Many Aspiengirls fidn they have more in common with their males peers and get along with them better as conversation is less confusing and mutual interests more appealing.

There is a sub-type of Aspiengirls that “flitter” from group to group not forming any close friendships with their peers, not knowing or understanding how to navigate the various cliques or groups. Aspiengirls have trouble understanding the levels of friendships, the social hierarchy and the social roles that various members of a group or groups play. In school, girls with Aspergers can feel quite lonely, they may make friends with peers from a variety of other cultures, .

Most often, Aspiengirls have flown under the radar and may not be identified as all as being Aspien until the tricky teenage years. I have seen various sub-types in my clinical practice. One group of teenage Aspiens I have worked with is a group characterized by very good grades, an embracement of good moral behavior, and a late development of interest in romance. This group often finds it challenging to be assertive and stand up for themselves. Some of them may be described as ‘puritan-like’, rule-bound or late-bloomers. Girls appear to be better than boys at masking the traits of autism in social situations,. However, girls are less able to do so in unfamiliar settings.

The other sub-type of Aspienteens I have seen is the opposite of the group I mentioned previously. Rather than embracing the moral code, they reject social, moral and authority codes, which combined with naivity, social and emotional immaturity, a belief in the ‘good’ in others, leads them a number of difficulties, ranging from experimention with drugs, to a history ofabusive relationships, continually being taken advantage of, in addition to dropping out of school. This type of Aspienteen has been described to me by many a parent as having “gone off the rails”. One particular example was of a parent who brought in pictures of what her Aspien looked like the year before and then showed me pictures of what she looks like now. There had been a dramatic change in appearance and attitude, along with her choice of social contacts, her sexual behaviors and dress. Some seek out a “counter-culture to fit into.

Social differences and difficulties are common among Aspiens and social skills training, drama lessons or coaching can be quite helpful. The type of social skills training is important and the above two groups need different intervention in terms of social skills training.

Tania Marshall©. 2013. All rights reserved. These writings are a part of the AspienGIRL™ Book Series. AspienGIRL™ and Planet Aspien™ are registered Trademarks. Duplication in whole or part is explicitly forbidden. Thank you.